Unconditional
by Fabs G
Summary: (Set after GoF) As Sirius stays at Remus’ house, Moony realizes they have never been to their friends’ tombs.


**Title**: Unconditional

**Author**: Fabs G

**Summary**: (Set after GoF) As Sirius stays at Remus' house, Moony realizes they have never been to their friends' tombs.

**Rating**: G

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot. 

**A/N**: Instead of calling this writing this down, I'd rather call it 'pouring it down' It came to my head and I sat blankly in front of the computer, typing until I finished.

**Dedication**: To my friends, as always, and to the dad of one of my friends, who died today. He had cancer and lost the battle yesterday night. He leaves behind 4 broken children and a heartbroken wife. It's so f*cking unfair, that all I can do- and hope you do too- is pray for a cure for cancer. Soon.

------------------------------

Friendship is one of the most amazingly weird things over this earth. It's presence, or absence, can brighten a day or darken the brightest of horizons. When you feel your friends are far from you, time slows down, and if you think they need you, time almost stops. You come to know them so well, it feels like they're an extension of you, and if something happens to that person, it's also happening to you. Not only you laugh with them, but you hurt with them, you suffer with them. 

So when one of your friends betrays you, it feels like you're dying, no matter how healthy you are. Something inside you dies, and sometimes, you hope you could die too. 

Therefore, no matter how many times he thought about how Sirius had betrayed him, Remus could never hope for Sirius to die or suffer. He himself had suffer beyond the limits he had thought he could, for not only had he lost three friends, but his remaining one had helped in killing two of them, and killed the third one. 

Remus thought he would die with them too, and for a lot of time, he asked for that gift to the heavens, to be with his true friends again, even if it was just in death.

But death never came. He held on, and as time passed, death left his mind, although pain didn't. Pain was still fresh in his mind, and as many years as had passed since James, Lily and Peter's death, pain was still vividly fresh in his mind and heart, never waning a bit. And so was Sirius. 

He had tried forgetting him, he had tried thinking it had been someone else and not his dear friend, but nothing work, and as much as he had hoped he could hate him, he never did. His friendship had been something too nice to have that feeling replaced by hatred.

During the first months, maybe years, he had hoped everything would be a confusion. He would wake up, think of James and Lily, thinking of visiting them and little Harry, or drop by at Sirius' or Peter's to laugh for a good while, and then, he'd remember he was exactly the same as he was before entering Hogwarts.

Alone.

But you never think about all this. You never stop and say, "I'm suffering so much right now". You just carry on, and if you're lucky enough to have that pain removed from you, in _that_ moment you realize how much you've suffered. 

And you never, ever understand how was it that you could cope.

When Remus saw that Peter was alive, everything that had once been so clear became a confusing blur. Peter was alive, Sirius was out of Azkaban, and both were in the Shrieking shack with Harry.

Of course, he had only one option, and luckily he never stopped to think if it was a sane thing or not to do it. That night not only allowed him to cast the blame on the true traitor, or tell Harry everything he had being yearning to tell him about himself and James, but also, and the best of all, he got one of his best friends back. 

After that night in the Shrieking Shack, nothing was the same again. He was never alone again, even though he had resigned from Hogwarts and was unemployed _again_ after one of the best jobs he had ever had, he now had Sirius to count on. Of course, after 12 years in Azkaban, anyone changes, and to Sirius that only made him grow up, something that had never matched his friend's true nature. Remus soon realized, even though through owls, that his friend's personality, though underlying in every single letter he sent him, had been pushed aside considerably. Now, he felt he was responsible for Harry, and Sirius worried so much about him, Remus got really worried more than once.

When Harry was elected 4th Hogwarts champion for the Triwizard Tournament, Remus had an opportunity he had never had in the past 13 years. He was there for his friend. Sirius had to be there for Harry, and apparently Harry was having such a bad time that Remus thought seriously of being for his friend physically, wherever the hell he was hiding. But the mere thought of Sirius being caught and given the Dementor's kiss because of his fault revolted his stomach, and he never suggested it.

It was a surprise though, both pleasant and unpleasant, when Sirius appeared one day at his house. He was so dumbstruck he closed his eyes for seconds, pinched himself several times, opened his eyes again… and Sirius was still there. 

So before anyone saw him, he decided to –finally- let him in.

They started with the unpleasant news first. Voldemort was back. They spent the whole afternoon talking about it; and Remus spent the whole afternoon trying to stop Sirius' murderous impulses towards Peter and Voldemort- they'd get him nowhere right now.

They had the most wonderful couple of days. Sirius had decided to warn Arabella Figg and Mungudus Fletcher before Remus, so all that was left was catching up with his old Moony.

And Sirius needed every second he could spend with someone he could trust, somewhere he could be safe.

They talked about everything that came to their minds. Mostly of course, James and Sirius' pranks to everyone but the Marauders. Their nights as the wolf and the dog. James falling for Lily. The whole school falling for Sirius. 

And inevitably, they subjects changed to their last years together. Every smile was melancholic, every laugh was followed by a sigh, and even Harry's birth was remembered with some sadness, because as joyful as the event might have been, Lily and James did not survive much longer. Barely 15 months later, James and Lily were killed.

And then, in that moment something dawned on Remus. They had never visited James and Lily's tomb. Remus had gone to the funeral from afar, but he was never there, as it hurt too much to be alone; and of course, neither had Sirius. They had never mourned for their friends together.

So here they are, standing in front of their tombs, shoulder to shoulder. Both of them feel to weak to leave the other's side, none of them dares to crouch or kneels- they might not find the strength to stand up again. The emptiness inside them is far too great to try and speak it out, so silence surrounds the two men. Still, none of them are crying, not even silent tears roll down. Sadness washes over their faces, but that is as far as they show to the outside world. Both are as proud as anyone can imagine, and crying in front of their friends is simply not something they do. Besides, if they do cry, they run the risk of leading the other to cry too, and what good can it be to have both of them break down at the same time?

Memories go back and forth in their minds; some staying longer than other, some reminding them of some other memory; some of them so sad they push it away as soon as they can, and some of them, so happy it hurts them more than the sad ones.

Suddenly, Sirius can't help but smile and chuckle. Remus, still knowing his friend as the back of his hand, asks a simple but clear question:

"Who and what?"

Sirius looks at Remus through the corner of his eyes, amazed that he is still such an open book to Remus as he was at Hogwarts "Lily to James. Bright pink robes"

Remus can't help but smile a genuine smile. "They suited him" Out of nowhere, Sirius kicks Remus' shin.

He nurses his leg, standing on just one for a little while, looking very much like a flamingo "Ow! What was that for?"

"Because if he could, he would have kicked you"

Remus chuckles slightly, standing again on his two feet. "He would, yeah" His voice is weak, almost a whisper and Sirius knows he is about to break down. The werewolf sighs, loud and long.

Sirius passes his arms around Remus' shoulders as he rests his head on Sirius' one. They decide to send their prides back home for a while and silent streams of tears finally rolls down their cheeks.

Yes, nothing will ever be the same again. Memories that once had them laughing for minutes now end with sad silences or depressing sighs. Sad memories hurt much more now than they did before their deaths; but now, after 12 very lonely years of their lives, they have each other again. They have support, someone that worries about them and what truly is now unconditional friendship.

Nothing will ever be the same again.


End file.
